Sry I called you an 8
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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