he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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