believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
