but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
