I want to walk on stilts...naked
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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