he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
