mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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