She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
