I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
