K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my sisters under your porch take her home
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
