"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I've blown a few things in my day
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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