My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
