how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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