People with herpes should wear stickers.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
this is an emotional support booty call
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
