I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish I only lived at night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
