Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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