True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
