If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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