the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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