I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize