if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
