i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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