imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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