I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Randomize
