I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
