my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
