both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
