i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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