Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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