I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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