my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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