she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
