Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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