I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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