maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
