He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If I die, sorry about rent.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
