we're blogging at a bar
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
