I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize