I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
