I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
