That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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