Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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