do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
