Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
