Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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