i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
