Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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