So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
