What a fucking waste of an outfit
I will die if light touches me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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