you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize