I'm really into asian looking animals
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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