I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
