He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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