Barsexuality is the new black.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
