Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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