I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
