jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
