like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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