well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize