I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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