her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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