Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize