My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
