why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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