Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
