thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
