you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
3pm strippers are depressing
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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