Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize