Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
